I was astounded on first visiting the little boy’s room in Austria to find a toilet basin that appeared to have been installed backwards. Most Europeans are accustomed to a watery sink hole at the rear with a gentle, ergonomic upwards slope towards the rim at the front. However this new and alien specimen has its pool hard at the front, with a horizontal platform behind. I was assured by our Austrian guests that this is the norm here.

I take several issues with this new discovery. Firstly, as a chap, the angle of attack for minor visits to the loo is so acute as to be too risky, given the repercussions of stream glancing rim. Secondly, aforesaid horizontal plateau appears to defeat one of the best functions of a modern toilet by allowing any product of a major visit to the WC to proudly sit aloft in room air, rather than being enveloped by odour-restrictive water. Thirdly, any major business conducted will result in inevitable requirement for brushing, which can lead to awkward situations if no such brush is available. Finally, closer proximity of business to the wiping hand only increases the risk of a catastrophic meeting of the two. Unthinkable.

One thing the Austrians do well is Autumn!